I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
