i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
