i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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