i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
