Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize