Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
