Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
