Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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