Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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