Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
