so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
