it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize