apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
