hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
