What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
