i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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