perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
