You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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