Are we in a gay sports bar?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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