She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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