I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
