How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
