I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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