I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
