i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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