It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
