This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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