you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
