You smell like stripper and shame
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
