Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
