I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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