Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
