How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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