I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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