And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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