He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
