So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
