Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
