I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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