It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
