it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and she was petting her beer can
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The Olympian is in my bed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
