he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
