There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
