so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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