wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
