Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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