i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize