the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
birth control should be required to get into college
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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