I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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