I just saw a hot homeless man
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
