Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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