Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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