you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
