Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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