Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
