I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
