Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize