Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
