what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
