Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
