It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
God, I missed his penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
