i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
