Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
