A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
