I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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