That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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