why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
