Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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