I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
