i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im having a threesome with these popsicles
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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