He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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