i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
