Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
this hospital has no fireball
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
