I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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