When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize